The Art of Sabotage

Priscilla Selgas

Sunday, February 01, 2015

                                                The Art of Sabotage

                                                 By: Priscilla Selgas

Sabotagers unfold early on in life within the family arrangement, friends in the

neighborhood or classmates at school. From the moment those around you sense that

there is a unique quality about you that sets you apart from everyone else, resentment and

envy can creep in. Without you knowing it, a silent plan is formulated to keep you from

excelling, surpassing or outshining them in any way. Over the years, it slowly unravels

and manifests itself. All the while masking itself as friendship or love and concealing its

true intention. Their comments are subtle at first but profoundly effective. Just enough to

make you second guess yourself while simultaneously having you believe they have your

best interest at heart. “What if you get hurt? What if you fail? What if it doesn’t work

out? How much will that cost you?” Pay attention to their words and possible motives.

Be aware of patterns and how those closest to you respond or react whenever you try to

embark on something new. Do they support your dreams or do they try to convert them

into nightmares? More often then not, sabotagers feel jealous and threatened by your

growth and success. Their intention? Keeping you on their level.

They won’t let you fly: Overprotection can appear to mean well but the objective is

to instill fear. In order to keep you to themselves, they may plant seeds of doubt in

your mind. Discouragement is clever and administered in a way that appears for your

benefit but in reality it does nothing more than hold you back. This is the case with

overprotecting parents who deter their teenager’s from applying to out of state colleges.

Spouse’s who don’t want you spending time with your friends. Family members who

constantly look for flaws in your companion and are never happy with whomever you

date. Coworker’s who feel threatened by you and report your every move to the boss in

order to make themselves look better.

They’re green with Envy: They stifle or down play your passion for art, writing, music

or any other forms of self expression. They’re jealous of your talents, your strengths,

your accomplishments, your partner, your house, your car, your job, your children. The

thing they are jealous of most? Your inner light.

They throw in the Monkey wrench: Sabotagers are opportunists. Creating difficulties

and stirring up unnecessary drama, sabotagers are efficient at wreaking havoc. Just when

things are going well and appear to be peaceful, sabotagers strike when you least expect

it by making a scene in a public setting, restaurant or worse- on your wedding day. All to

capture the spotlight and deter the attention away from you so it is focused on them. This

may include alleged friends, coworkers, family members or your own children. Many

will argue that they can’t cut ties with family members or people they’ve been friends

with for decades. It’s a hard reality to face but you must set strong boundaries with them

or in some cases, sever ties with them all together.

It takes a progressive person to commit to change and others around you can feel

threatened or intimidated by it. Even just the mention of change can rile up emotional

opposition from those closest to you. They’re comfortable with familiarity. They know

how to control, torque and manipulate it. When you come along with a progressive idea

or thought like, “I’m going to start my own business”, it’s a threat to their norm and they

don’t particularly like you rocking the boat.

Think about it- if you did start that business, if you did complete that project, if you did

become financially strong- you’d be a force to reckon with. Is this what they fear? You?

Only stronger? You were never meant to be separated from the things you love most in

life. Giving up on your dreams and passions is the worst kind of self abandonment.

Realize this- it doesn’t serve you to surround yourself with those who try to navigate

or hinder your life. Surround yourself with like-minded people. Those who are eager,

ambitious and determined- just like you. Where others are stifled with fear- you see the

potential for new opportunities. Where others wallow in stagnation- you seize the day.

Where others see road blocks- you envision the bridge to the other side.

The truth is, Love isn’t jealous. True friendships support your vision, your dream and

all your endeavors. A strong, loving family, builds you up and never breaks you down.

Authentic love never holds you back or tries to keep you from reaching your highest

potential. It celebrates your victories and embraces your challenges. Love is a verb. Love

is action and the acts that exemplify love are selflessness and whole hearted sincerity.

There is no fear. No jealously. No competition. Love is not ashamed of you nor does it

ever try to hide or conceal you. Love is proud of you, takes you by the hand and shows

you to the world. Love will defend you to the ends of the earth and never abandon you. It

cheers for you from the top of its lungs. Real love.. wants to see you cross the finish line.

Priscilla Selgas is a Licensed Massage Therapist in Florida. Her work includes backstage

care at some of New York, New Jersey and Pennsylvania’s top rock venues and arenas

providing therapeutic bodywork for bands and musicians. She is a Freelance Writer and

currently practices in Miami. Connect at